


The Blizzard

by AliciaSinCiudad



Series: Rebuilding [7]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Hoth, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sniperpilot Winter Challenge, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-10 04:30:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12904089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliciaSinCiudad/pseuds/AliciaSinCiudad
Summary: From the prompt from the Sniperpilot Winter Challenge:You and I just had a massive fight, and you’re about to leave, but we’re snowed in.





	1. The Blizzard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in the same continuity as [First Times](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11289192). You may or may not want to read that first, depending on if you like knowing the outcome of a fic before you read it.
> 
> This takes place not too long after ANH, so they haven't been on Hoth too long, and Luke is still relatively young and wide-eyed.
> 
> So many thanks to [MissKatieLeigh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/misskatieleigh/pseuds/misskatieleigh) for beta-reading this! ♥

Bodhi sighed. “I’m just – I’m just tired of having this conversation is all. I feel like we’re not getting anywhere.”

“You and me both,” Cassian muttered. No, he didn’t mutter, that wasn’t fair. He spoke quietly. Probably because he was tired. It was even conceivable that he was as tired as Bodhi was. Which was pretty damned tired.

“So, what do you propose we do about this?” Bodhi asked, gathering his last ounce of patience to keep his voice even.

Cassian looked up, and just for a moment, he looked so _sad_ that it just about broke Bodhi. Of course, that look was there and gone in a microsecond. Bodhi only saw it because he was really looking. He might not have been a spy like Cassian, but it wasn’t for lack of observation. It was the constant schooling of his _own_ expression that Bodhi couldn’t manage. He was, as Cassian had commented more than once, like an open book. But over the course of the last Standard Solar Cycle, he’d learned to decipher this impenetrable code that was Cassian Andor.

Cassian looked just slightly to the angry side of neutral when he replied, and Bodhi tried to convince himself that it wasn’t a mask. “You know what I propose,” Cassian said, as quietly as he’d spoken before.

Bodhi suddenly regretted having used the word _propose_. It wasn’t so long ago that he’d been daydreaming of Cassian proposing to him – even in his daydreams, Bodhi never dared propose himself. There was still a part of him, larger than he wanted to admit, that wished Cassian _would_ propose. Bodhi might even say yes.

Bodhi swallowed. He would not cry. He wouldn’t give Cassian the satisfaction. He wasn’t always an open book, spine cracked and pages torn by Bor Gullet, torture, and exhaustion. “I _don’t_ know,” he replied, hoping he, too, sounded just to the angry side of neutral. “Tell me.” He wouldn’t let Cassian work his tricks on him, making Bodhi say it so _he_ wouldn’t have to. Let Cassian dirty his mouth with those ugly words.

Cassian closed his eyes. “I propose…” He stopped. Bodhi wondered if Cassian, too, was thinking about the double-meaning of _propose._ Of course he was. Cassian always chose his words carefully, that was part of his training. There was no way that this could have escaped him. Bodhi watched Cassian’s Adam’s apple bob, down and up, as he swallowed. Was it tears he was swallowing? Nausea at what he was about to say? Cassian took a deep breath, then opened his eyes, looking right at Bodhi. “In any case. I have to leave. Don’t wait for me.”

“I don’t suppose there’s any chance you’ll tell me _where_ you’re going?”

“It’s not relevant.” Cassian would not break his gaze.

“You mean I don’t have clearance.” Bodhi would not break it either.

“That too.” Cassian swallowed again. His eyes widened, but still he did not look away. “It’s… it’s been… nice. I don’t… I’ve never…”

Well then, Bodhi mused. Captain Cassian Andor, at a loss for words.

“Thank you,” Cassian said. No, muttered. So softly Bodhi had to strain to hear it. Cassian knew Bodhi’s hearing had been damaged on Scarif. He also knew Bodhi would be watching his lips.

Bodhi scoffed. “For what?” he asked bitterly.

“For…” Cassian gestured vaguely, and he finally looked away. “For everything. Really. I… I’m sorry it didn’t work, but I’m glad…” He looked at Bodhi again, his eyes almost pleading. “Thank you for…” He sighed, and his hands dropped to his sides.

There was a silence. Should Bodhi thank Cassian, too? What would he thank him for? For opening Bodhi up to all kinds of hope and longing, just to set him up for the inevitable disappointment? But of course, that was unfair. Cassian had never pretended to be anything other than he was.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true either. But that was his job. He had been upfront about the fact that he could never be upfront, open about his closed nature. Any hopes and longing had been Bodhi’s own fault.

It made sense though. Obviously the man who had grown up under the rule of the Empire, who’d survived its schools and its military training, suffering all kinds of abuse, would be attracted to the one man in the Rebellion who could never promise him warmth or stability. Well. Bodhi wasn’t dead yet. Maybe it was time to find a man who _could_ offer him what he needed. What he wanted. What he was starting to believe he deserved.

“I wish you a safe journey, Cassian. May the Force be with you.”

“And also with you,” Cassian replied. Or at least, that’s the shape his lips made. Bodhi couldn’t be sure if Cassian spoke the words aloud.

And with that, Cassian Andor was gone.

 

 

“Stars, have you ever seen such a blizzard?” Luke set down his tray and plopped himself down next to Bodhi. Wedge sat himself on the other side of Luke. “We don’t get anything like that on Tatooine, I can tell you that much.”

Bodhi shook his head, a smile pasted on his face, not yet daring to speak. He was sure Luke would eventually figure out something was wrong, but why ruin the moment? He took a sip of whatever was passing for caf these days, but didn’t dare try to eat.

“Yeah, I guess a fellow desert-boy wouldn’t get many blizzards either,” Luke commented, taking a bite of stale bread.

Bodhi flinched. He missed Jedha. It had been hard in the Imperial Army, spending so much time away, but he hadn’t imagined _never_ going back, hadn’t imagined not having somewhere to go back _to_. Luke’s eyes widened, and he reddened, swallowing quickly. “Sorry, I… I wasn’t thinking.”

“Anyway,” Wedge interrupted, saving the day as always. “I hear we’ll all be grounded for at least a few cycles, maybe up to a standard week. So you all had better figure out some interesting alternatives to Sabacc, because we’ll need something to do once we lose everything to Rook here.” He took a sip of soup, and made an exaggerated face.

Bodhi grinned, and it was almost sincere. “I don’t _always_ win,” he protested.

“Yeah, you lose just often enough to give us false hope,” Wedge teased.

_False hope._ Bodhi swallowed. He was _not_ going to think about Cassian, he told himself. He wasn’t going to think about their final fight, the last words they’d said to each other, and those words they had both refused to say, but had both understood heart-breakingly clearly. He was gone now, anyway, and wouldn’t even be reachable until the storm ended, cycles from now. Not that Bodhi could expect to hear from him while he was away. Even if they hadn’t ended things, Cassian never communicated with Base unless it was strictly necessary, and what information he gave would never be passed on to Bodhi. Who knew where he even was now? Unless…

Cassian wasn’t in Echo Base, that much was clear. If he were still on Base, Bodhi would have seen him by now. But what if Cassian hadn’t quite gotten off the ground before the storm started? He’d said he was leaving when he walked out that door, but that didn’t mean he’d left right away. He might have had to check in with his commanding officer, or prepare his troops for their mission before departure. The storm might have already started by the time he made it to his ship, and Cassian being Cassian, he might have tried to take off anyway, and…

Bodhi was not going to think about that possibility. What was the point, if there was no chance of…

But maybe there _was_ a chance. What was that Jyn had said, when they all flew off to their near-certain deaths on Scarif? _We’ll take the next chance, and the next, on and on until we win. Or our chances are spent._

Maybe their chances weren’t quite spent.

Bodhi put down his mug, so quickly that the others looked up, startled. “Luke, Wedge. I think… I think someone might have tried to take off despite the storm. They might be stuck out there. We should go look for them.”

Wedge and Luke exchanged a look. “It’s pretty dangerous out there,” Wedge commented. “Are you sure… _someone_ … took off?”

“I’m not sure. But he might have. We… No.” Bodhi shook his head decisively. “ _You_ don’t have to do anything. But _I_ have to look. To check on him. Maybe he’s still out there.”

Wedge shook his head, frowning. “No, there’s no way you’re going out there alone. Get your warmest gear. We’ll meet by the north gate in 20 minutes.”

Bodhi nodded, and immediately headed to their… to _his_ … quarters.

Of course Cassian had left his parka behind.

 

 

It was more difficult to find Cassian’s aircraft than Bodhi had expected, even though it probably had barely managed to lift off before crashing down, either due to strong and unpredictable winds, or to the complete lack of visibility. It was an X-Wing, T-65B – _of course_ it was a solo mission, Cassian would never risk someone _else’s_ life in such a storm – and Cassian had been thrown out of it by the impact. He was unconscious, although Bodhi couldn’t tell if it was from injury, or from the cold. Or both.

_Don’t panic_ , Bodhi told himself. _Panic doesn’t help. Just stay calm._ He wrapped Cassian’s parka around his unmoving body. Then he and Wedge each draped one of Cassian’s arms over their shoulders, and Luke led the way back to Echo Base, probably using the Force more than any traditional guiding method. By the time they made it back, the three of them were shivering. Cassian was not.

They dragged him to med-bay, where a med-droid covered him in two standard-issue blankets and ordered bacta patches for frostbite. Bodhi sat down heavily by the bed Cassian was laid out on, staring blankly at the too-still form of his now-ex-lover. Luke and Wedge stood awkwardly at the foot of the bed.

“We should probably get something hot to drink,” Wedge said gently. “Warm ourselves up.”

“I’m staying here,” Bodhi said flatly.

“Ok.” Luke nodded. He glanced at Wedge, but Wedge kept his face neutral. “Um, just comm us if he wakes up.”

“ _When_ he wakes up,” Bodhi corrected.

“Right, right.” Luke gave Bodhi the most pathetic smile he’d ever seen, and walked away to the mess hall, Wedge following close behind.

Bodhi didn’t know how long he sat by Cassian’s side. Time didn’t matter to him anymore. Time might as well stop right now, because there was no point going forward if… if…

Bodhi’s hearing was not what it used to be, so he might not have heard the first moan. But he definitely heard one now. Cassian twitched, furrowing his brow. Another moan. He began to shiver, softly at first, then more forcefully.

“Cassian!” Bodhi found he couldn’t speak above a whisper. He took one of Cassian’s hands in his own, rubbing it furiously to try and warm up at least one small part of him.

“Bodhi?” Cassian’s voice was soft and unsteady. “Where am I?”

Cassian was never this guileless. Was this a trap?

Or was Cassian truly that out of it?

“You’re in the med-bay. On Echo Base. It looks like you managed to take off, but you didn’t get far. We found you, me and Luke and Wedge. You were unconscious. I thought you were… that you might be… I didn’t know if you’d managed to… to get out… or…”

“How did you know I’d be out there?”

“We didn’t. I didn’t. But I thought… Maybe there was a chance…”

“You risked your life on a chance?” The anger in Cassian’s voice was tempered by its shakiness, its wavering softness. “Your life, and those of two other soldiers?” Cassian shook his head, his eyes still closed. “No one spy is worth that, Bodhi. You shouldn’t have taken that risk.”

Bodhi squeezed Cassian’s hand. “I wasn’t thinking about military strategy, Cassian. I was thinking about you. And I thought, if there was even a hope –”

“You don’t risk your life for a hope.”

“Oh no? Since when?”

“Not _your_ life.” Bodhi wasn’t sure if Cassian squeezed his hand back, or if he merely twitched. “You’ve risked it enough. You could have been hurt. Or worse…”

“Cassian. You would have died. Not _could_ have; _would_ have.”

“It wasn’t worth the risk.”

“Let me decide what’s worth the risk, Cassian.” Suddenly, all the tears Bodhi had been holding back broke loose. “Stars, Cassian. I could have lost you. _Would_ have lost you.”

“What does it matter? We broke up anyway.”

Bodhi laughed incredulously. “ _What does it matter?_ You think I only care about you when you’re my partner? I love you, Cassian. I can’t turn that off. You’re the man who saved me from oblivion on Jedha. Twice in one day.”

“And you’re the man who got me off of Scarif. And who brought me back to Echo Base in the middle of a blizzard.” Cassian pulled his hand away from Bodhi. He opened his eyes and pushed himself up, not even trying to hide how much effort it took. “We’re even now. You don’t owe me anything.”

“You think this was about owing you something?” Bodhi asked, removing his jacket and draping it over Cassian’s shoulders.

Cassian shrugged. “Why else would you have stayed with me?”

Bodhi shook his head, disbelieving. “Are you serious? It never had anything to do with owing you. I love you, Cassian. When I’m with you… when you’re not about to leave, that is… I feel so… so safe. So warm. So loved.” He smiled sadly. “Speaking of warm. Does the jacket help at all?”

“I’m fine.”

“Of course you are. That’s why you can’t stop shivering.”

“It’s good that I’m shivering. If I weren’t shivering…”

“I know. You weren’t shivering when we found you.” Bodhi shuddered, and it had nothing to do with the cold. “Can I… Can I hold you?”

“You don’t have to.”

“I _know_ that Cassian. I don’t have to do anything. But I’m asking you. _Can_ I hold you?” Bodhi leaned closer, just barely stopping himself from taking Cassian’s hand again. “It will make me feel less worried. To feel you here, beside me. To know you’re safe.”

Cassian nodded, not quite meeting Bodhi’s eyes. “That would be nice.”

Bodhi sat on the bed beside Cassian and wrapped his arms around him. He thought again of Jyn’s words. _We’ll take this chance, and the next, and on and on… until the chances are spent._ He hated to admit it, but he really did think their chances had been spent. Their chances to be lovers. Partners. But friends? Maybe they could still be friends.

“I still love you, Cassian,” he murmured. “I know we can’t be a couple. It’s killing us both. But I’ll always love you, and I’ll always be there for you. If you’ll let me.”

“I owe you a dramatic rescue from a blizzard.”

“You don’t owe me anything. We both saved each other twice, remember?”

“You’ve saved me more than that, Bodhi.” Cassian smiled sadly. “But you’re right. Love has nothing to do with owing. I’ll always love you, too, Bodhi, even if this can’t work out. And I’ll always be there for you, no matter what. When you find someone who you really deserve, I’ll be cheering you on.”

“Cassian…”

“I’m just being realistic. We both know you can do better.”

“Not better. Just… different.”

“Fine then. You can do _different._ And when you find _different,_ I will be cheering you on. Maybe from afar. But I’ll be cheering you on somewhere. I promise.”

“And when you find someone else…”

Cassian shook his head. “There is no one else, Bodhi. I can’t take losing someone again. Maybe that’s why I could never open up to you. I knew it would hurt too much to lose you.”

“You’re losing me now.”

“And think how much worse it would be if I had truly deserved you.”

“Cassian…”

“Again, I’m just being realistic.” Cassian gently removed Bodhi’s arms from around his body. “Thank you, Bodhi. For everything. Really. I’ll be fine from here. You should get something to eat, and rest. Talk with your friends. I’d like to be alone now.”

Of course he would. “Alright, Cassian. I’ll send a medic your way on my way out.”

“Thank you, Bodhi. And may the Force be with you.”

Bodhi’s voice didn’t waver as he replied, “And also with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote MissKatieLeigh a note when I sent her the story to beta, and I figure I'd put it here for the other three people who may or may not actually read this story. (:
> 
> _Don’t feel too sad, because I set this in my own internal continuity, wherein Bodhi and Cassian break up during the war, but they get back together again after the war, after four years of growth, and in a much more stable galaxy._


	2. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to MissKatieLeigh for beta-ing this! You are the best!

“I’m glad you two nerf-herders finally got yourselves back together. That moping was bringing the whole Base down.”

“What are you talking about?” Bodhi looked up sharply from his lukewarm caf. Han Solo talked a lot of BS, but Bodhi wasn’t used to that BS involving himself.

“Oh, don’t play coy.” Solo grinned that trademark scoundrel grin of his, sitting down next to Bodhi at an otherwise empty table. “The whole base knows about you two and your little break-up. I knew you wouldn’t stay apart for long. I had good credits riding on it, you know.”

Bodhi shook his head, refusing to rise to the bait. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied, turning his attention back to his half-eaten meal. The reconstituted protein suddenly seemed even less appetizing, and that was saying something. He forced himself to pick up his fork, and poked at one of the smaller chunks.

“Oh, I don’t, do I?” Solo leaned in closer, an almost conspiratorial smirk on his face. “Are you really trying to tell me that Andor leaving in a huff in the middle of that storm had nothing to do with all the fighting you two _haven’t_ been doing?”

“Solo. Please.” Bodhi set the fork down.

“Come on. The whole Base knows you broke up.”

“That’s right.”

Solo blinked. “You just said I didn’t know what I was talking about.”

“You don’t. We broke up. End of story. We’re… we’re still friends, of course. But that’s it.”

Solo shook his head. “No way. You’re joshing me. I saw him with his arm around you not two hours ago!”

“I was cold…”

“Tell me that wasn’t love I saw in his eyes.”

“We _do_ love each other, but it isn’t enough. We just…” Bodhi shrugged helplessly. “It’s not working. It didn’t work. We tried. But it’s over.” He picked up his fork again, and stabbed the least offensive-looking morsel.

Solo grabbed his arm. “You can’t give up so easily!”

Bodhi shook Solo off, scoffing. “You’re just saying that because you have credits riding on this.”

“What do you take me for?” Solo cried, offended. Bodhi gave him a skeptical look, and Solo backed down. “Ok, it’s _partially_ that. But it’s not _just_ the credits. We’re snowed in for who knows how long, and I have no intention of putting up with a couple of mopey ex-boyfriends for the next standard week. So you two had better kiss and make up!”

Bodhi shook his head, smiling sadly. “Really, Solo, if it were that simple, we’d have done it already. But certain things, things that aren’t going to change any time soon… It just got to be too much.”

Solo sighed, defeated. “I guess I’d better enjoy this brandy now; I’ll be broke tomorrow.”

“I don’t suppose there’s enough to share?”

“Sure kid, why not? Misery loves company, especially when company has brandy.”

 

 

Bodhi knew what he was getting himself into. He really did. He had absolutely no excuse. Apparently there was a self-sabotaging part of him that he hadn’t recognized before. He supposed Cassian was rubbing off on him.

As Solo had said over too many shots of brandy, misery loves company.

Bodhi could blame the alcohol, but he knew it wasn’t that. Maybe the brandy had given him the courage to slip into Cassian’s bed the night before, but the longing had been there. Bodhi knew, with a mix of shame and resignation, that he’d be spending every night in Cassian’s bed until the storm let up. He hoped the storm lasted a long time.

Cassian shifted in his sleep, and Bodhi held him tighter. As though that would stop Cassian from eventually walking away. Again. Potentially for the last time.

Again.

That was the thing about being at war. Every time was potentially the last time.

Bodhi tried not to think about the future, or about the past, for that matter. He focused on the present, on the warmth of Cassian’s body beside him, the soft feel and the scent of Cassian’s hair. Those little Cassian twitches he always made in his sleep.

_This didn’t hurt._

_This wasn’t going to hurt._

_This already hurt so badly._

Bodhi did not move.

Cassian moaned in his sleep – _Why did he always moan in his sleep? Was it nightmares, or memories, or simply the physical pain he managed to mask in all his waking moments, bubbling to the surface without the conscious habits of a spy to tamp it back down? –_ and Bodhi kissed the back of his head. He would never tire of that tickle of Cassian’s hair on his lips.

_This wasn’t his to keep._

_This didn’t hurt._

_This didn’t hurt too badly._

_This pain was worth it_.

Cassian moaned again, then cried out sharply, brokenly, and Bodhi clasped him with all his might. Cassian stiffened. That was always how Bodhi could tell when Cassian woke up – the way he stiffened, as though being caught in the act of some terrible crime.

_This didn’t hurt._

_This pain was worth it._

“Bodhi?” Cassian whispered. “Am I dreaming?”

“No, this is real. I’m here. You’re here. We’re snowbound, remember?”

Cassian nodded, the movement bringing his head a few centimeters away from Bodhi, so Bodhi’s lips no longer touched him.

_This pain was worth it._

“You saved me, Bodhi.”

“I wasn’t alone. I had help.” Bodhi couldn’t take all the credit. Couldn’t take all the burden.

“Still. You saved me. You’re the one who led them out there, who had the idea and the will to look.”

_This pain was worth it._

“Of course, Cassian, I wasn’t going to leave you out there in this storm.”

“You didn’t even know I was still out there.”

“I knew there was a chance.”

Cassian shifted again, settling on his other side to look at Bodhi. Bodhi knew it was uncomfortable, that Scarif’s injuries had left most positions uncomfortable, and that Cassian was putting himself though non-trivial discomfort in order to look directly at Bodhi. He had come to know Cassian well enough to notice the slightly clenched jaw, the aborted wince, the careful way he moved his left leg.

_This pain was worth it._

Cassian really _was_ rubbing off on him.

_Had_ rubbed off on him. It was over, Bodhi reminded himself.

_This pain was worth it._

“Bodhi. Thank you. You risked a lot to go looking for me. I promise, I’ll make that risk worthwhile.”

“How’s that?” Bodhi asked, aiming for flirtatious, and falling lightyears short.

“Every mission I go on from now on, it’s because of you. Any information I gather, any life I save – it’s as though you saved it.”

And this was what counted as romantic from Cassian. _I promise to make my continued living beneficial to the Rebellion._

“I was just hoping to save yours,” Bodhi admitted. Admitted. As though it were something to be ashamed of, selfishly wanting to save the life of the man he loved.

Cassian frowned. Bodhi knew that Cassian could never think of his own life as worth the risk. That he could only think of himself in terms of usefulness. Bodhi also knew that he would never be able to break Cassian from that line of thinking. It’s how Cassian had _had_ to see himself, from the age of six, in order to survive.

Bodhi understood Cassian. He forgave Cassian. It didn’t make it hurt any less.

_This pain was worth it._

“Are you hungry?” Cassian asked. “I could see what they’re serving in the mess hall.”

“Are you offering to bring me breakfast in bed?”

Cassian smiled now. “Nothing more romantic than lukewarm rations. Diminished rations, probably, since we don’t know how long the blizzard will last.”

Bodhi didn’t comment on the word _romantic_. He just leaned forward and kissed Cassian on the tip of his nose. “That would be lovely.”

Cassian’s smile slowly spread to a full-on grin. Of course, nothing made Cassian feel better than being useful to someone else.

And what made Bodhi feel good? He’d spent so long trying to get Cassian to care about himself, Bodhi had forgotten to care about _him_ self.

Bodhi had felt good just laying in bed with Cassian, their bodies meeting in myriad points of contact, sharing warmth and sharing breath.

“Stay,” he said softly. But Cassian was already gone.

_This pain was worth it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a third chapter coming up, so you get your happy ending. (:


	3. Coda

Bodhi awoke with a feeling of dread. Faint moonlight streamed in through the window, and he heard the howl of the wind, the hissing of sand against stone. He felt across the bed. Empty.

It was not so unusual that Bodhi would wake to an empty bed. Sometimes Cassian had gotten up to use the fresher, or to sit in the other room, drinking herbal tea and trying to calm down from a nightmare. On rare, but increasingly frequent, occasions, he might meditate by the light of the stars. But Cassian’s side of the bed was not just empty. It was cold. More worryingly, Bodhi had no memory of Cassian coming home that night.

Outside, the wind howled louder.

Bodhi remembered another storm, many years ago, during the war. They’d been based on Hoth, and a blizzard had trapped everyone inside Echo Base for days. He and Cassian had just broken up, and then Cassian had left for some mission, and gotten caught in the blizzard. If Bodhi hadn’t realized that Cassian might still be out there, if Wedge Antilles and Luke Skywalker hadn’t helped him find Cassian and bring him back inside…

But they had. They’d saved him. And then been stuck together in the too-small base. Those next few snowbound days had been a special kind of torture, spending every possible moment with Cassian, even as they both knew that their relationship was over, and that Cassian would leave without saying goodbye as soon as the weather permitted.

What if Cassian was stuck in the sandstorm now?

For a moment, Bodhi was paralyzed in panic. His hand found its way to the kyber crystal he wore around his neck, and he thought of the matching one Cassian wore. It gave him the strength he needed to force himself out of bed. He dressed quickly, throwing on whatever clothes he found first, his fingers fumbling as he fastened his cloak and tied up his boots. He just barely had the presence of mind to grab a lantern, and then a walking stick, before dashing out the door, slamming it behind him.

It didn’t take Bodhi long to find Cassian. He couldn’t have been more than a few hundred meters from their small home, leaning against a broken wall, eyes closed, unmoving. As Bodhi got closer, he noticed that Cassian’s leg was trapped in a pile of stones.

Bodhi was glad he’d taken a walking stick. It helped him keep his balance as he made his way toward Cassian. He didn’t even bother calling out Cassian’s name – there was no way he’d be heard over the wind, even if Cassian had been conscious. It was only when Bodhi was close enough to touch that he started whispering Cassian’s name, over and over, shaking him to see if there was a reaction. Cassian slowly opened his eyes, blinked once or twice, then closed them again. The wind carried unheard curses from Bodhi’s mouth as he set to work freeing Cassian’s leg. Then he shook Cassian awake again, draped Cassian’s arm over his shoulders, and helped him stand up.

With the help of Bodhi and the walking stick, Cassian was able to make it back to their stone hut, staying conscious just long enough to collapse onto the sofa. His hands shaking, Bodhi removed Cassian’s boots, then laid him down as gently as possible, propping the injured foot up on a pillow. He brought their blankets over from the bed, and gently covered Cassian with them, wrapping the injured man tight against the cold. Finally, exhausted, he sat heavily on the floor, propping his back up against the sofa, his head leaning gently against Cassian’s chest, feeling the comforting rise and fall in time to his partner’s breath.

It was only now that the danger was over that Bodhi realized how lucky he’d been to find Cassian so quickly. The sand had dimmed the moonlight, and Cassian been too still to catch Bodhi’s attention. The lantern’s light had only been helpful when Bodhi had gotten close enough for the light to reach Cassian. He clutched his kyber crystal again, and whispered a thankful prayer to whatever had guided his way.

 

 

Bodhi was roused from a nervous half-sleep by the sound of Cassian coughing. He rose immediately, and helped Cassian sit up, being as gentle as he could with the injured foot. Then he ran to pour Cassian a cup of water. Cassian’s hands were too shaky to hold the cup, so Bodhi held it to his lips. Cassian managed a few small sips between coughs, and his breathing calmed.

“Bodhi?” His voice was rough, like the sand and dust that must be coating his lungs.

“Cassian. Thank the stars you’re alright.”

Cassian smiled faintly in the lantern’s flickering glow. “You saved me. Again. How many times does that make it, now?”

“Enough,” Bodhi answered with a shaky laugh, half-relieved and half-despairing. “Don’t make me do it again.” He sat next to Cassian and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in Cassian’s hair, breathing in the familiar scent, placing kiss after kiss on the top of Cassian’s head.

“Thank you,” Cassian whispered. “I can’t believe I was so stupid, trying to make it home in this storm. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright. You’re safe. We’re both safe.”

“I really thought I could make it.”

“You nearly did. You probably would have if your leg hadn’t gotten stuck in a pile of rocks.”

“It wasn’t a pile of rocks while I was walking. It was part of a wall. I was using the wall to guide me, it was so hard to see. I guess it wasn’t as stable as I thought it was.” He shrugged, feigning nonchalance, then turned to face Bodhi. “Anyway, how did you find me? Or even know to go looking?”

Bodhi didn’t answer, just touched the crystal hanging around his neck. Cassian dipped his head and kissed Bodhi’s crystal.

“Thank you for saving me.” Bodhi wasn’t sure if Cassian was addressing him or the crystal.

“I can’t believe I almost lost you. Again.” Bodhi paused. “Do you remember that blizzard on Hoth?”

“Of course. You saved me then, too. Even though I’d hurt you so much.”

“You didn’t mean to hurt me.”

“But I did. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t understand then, how much I was hurting you. I was trying to protect you from myself, but I did a miserable job.”

“You’re not doing that now, though, are you?”

Cassian shook his head vigorously. “No, that’s why I tried so hard to get home. Didn’t want you to be alone in this storm.” He swallowed. “I just put you in more danger. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. You just over-estimated yourself a little. You have to remember that we’re not so young anymore. That we’re getting older.”

“Right.” Cassian made a noise that could have been a laugh, could have been coughing up residual dust. “You know, I honestly never expected to get older.”

Bodhi squeezed Cassian a little tighter. “Well, I’m glad you did.”

Cassian leaned into Bodhi’s embrace, and kissed him softly on the lips. Then he smiled crookedly. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to MissKatieLeigh and JordanRiver for beta-ing this chapter! This is the closest I've gotten to writing any sort of action scene for a while, and any constructive feedback is very welcome!


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